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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking increases your chances of cancer, birth defects and becoming a fabulous dancer.

Two-time Dancing With the Stars champion Cheryl Burke ducked outside a Beverly Hills dance studio yesterday for a smoke break. Perhaps not the healthiest way to relax during a grueling regimen, but to each her own, we suppose.

Besides, the gal's been under a lot of pressure lately, battling rumors that she and dance partner Drew Lachey had an affair during DWTS's recent tour.

She also has the stress of starting a new business; Burke plans to open her own dance studio in San Francisco next month, where "students of all ages can come to explore ballroom dance and learn a little bit more about a sport that I've spent my life traveling around the world promoting and performing."

Huh; wonder if she'll hand out cigarettes at the beginning of each class.


  








Photography by DEAN

Acclaimed actress Helen Mirren—perhaps best known for her performance in the Bob Guccione-produced historical drama Caligula—appeared at the Barnes & Noble on Fifth Avenue in New York yesterday to promote her new autobiography, In the Frame.

Looks like a good read; we can't wait to check it out. We hope that the book goes into detail about how Helen manages to stay so beautiful. Look at her, people; the woman is 63, and she still manages to give this a run for its money.

Sigh; what a dame...

Well, they might as well cancel the Oscars for next year, and every other year for that matter.

The Nobel Prize people might as well pack it in too.

For today has seen the birth of the mother of all awards ceremonies: The First Annual Fiercee Awards.

The Fiercees—as we're sure they'll come to be known in the history books—were hosted by Tyra Banks. The event was held to honor the women of America's Next Top Model, which is hosted by Tyra Banks.

Wow, the competition must have been grueling. Can you imagine how difficult it must be, as a contestant on America's Next Top Model, to score an award honoring the contestants of America's Next Top Model?

What were the categories? Best Blank Stare? Most Prolific Purger?

We'd comment on how utterly retarded this whole travesty is, but we're too busy wondering how Tyra could wear that dress, when it so obviously makes her butt look fat.

We're sorry; that was cruel.

It's actually the heaping mounds of cellulite that make her butt look fat. It's unfair to blame the dress.

Recurring Simpsons character Sideshow Bob dropped by the Apple Store in New York's Soho district yesterday to bust out a few songs from the long-running animated series. Among the numbers that he per...

Oh, wait; that's just Adam Duritz of Counting Crows, who were promoting their latest album, Some Bands Just Don't Know When to Quit Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings.

It was good of Duritz to show his roots, warbling along in his Dead Boys T-shirt.

Because you can totally hear the profound Dead Boys influence in Counting Crows' music.

Much like you can hear the profound GG Allin influence in Miley Cyrus' tunes.

Click below to view the full gallery.

One sings "Ride for You," and the other has ridden all sorts of things for porn enthusiasts everywhere.

One works for Diddy, the other has been know to get very diddly.

Is it any wonder that these two blond behemoths of pop culture should get along so well?

Adult-entertainment legend Jenna Jameson and Danity Kane chanteuse Aubrey O'Day—who totally does not look psychotically happy in the above photo, so stop saying that—tore a blazing path across the Los Angeles club circuit last night, hitting Opera nightclub and Foxtail supper club together.

When Jenna wasn't busy honoring numerous autograph requests, that is. We wonder if it was awkward for Aubrey to realize that she was being outshone by a woman who does most of her work lying on her back.

Looks like the pair had an exciting and totally wholesome time. We wonder how many Shirley Temples those two knocked back before calling it a night.

And we thought the creepiest thing about Hulk Hogan was his mustache.

The Hulkster touched down at Los Angeles International Airport yesterday, accompanied by blond, buxom companion Jennifer McDaniel—who just happens to be a virtual doppelgänger for Hogan's daughter Brooke and his soon-to-be-ex wife, Linda.

We guess Hogan really does know best—how to skeeve us out, anyway.

Oh well; hopefully Hulk's lady friend can take his mind off of his legal troubles; he's been named in a civil suit relating to his son Nick's street-racing accident. The suit claims that Hulk and Linda encouraged Nick's interest in street racing.

Which, we suppose, might not be the worst example Hulk is setting lately.